Bringing up the topic of home care with your ageing parent can be tough. You may notice they’re struggling with daily tasks or becoming increasingly isolated, but when you try to suggest help, you’re met with resistance—or worse, a flat-out “no.”
This is a common experience for adult children. Many older adults equate accepting help with losing independence, and that can trigger feelings of fear, pride, or even shame.
But there are ways to have this conversation with compassion, respect, and success. Here’s how to navigate it thoughtfully and calmly.
1. Start Early—Before a Crisis Hits
The best time to talk about care needs is before your parent experiences a fall, hospitalisation, or burnout. Raising the topic early:
- Gives them more control in the decision-making process
- Reduces the urgency and emotional stress of a crisis
- Shows that you care about their wishes, not just their safety
It’s easier to discuss support when it’s about making life easier—not because something has gone wrong.
2. Choose the Right Moment
Timing and environment matter. Avoid bringing it up in the middle of a stressful situation. Instead:
- Pick a calm, quiet time when you’re both relaxed
- Avoid distractions like TV or background noise
- Bring it up as a natural part of a broader conversation
A good opening might be: “I’ve been thinking about how we can make things easier for you at home—what do you think about getting a bit of help with the things you don’t enjoy doing?”
3. Lead With Empathy, Not Instructions
Rather than telling your parent what they “need,” start by acknowledging their feelings:
- “I know you value your independence.”
- “I can see that you’re doing your best.”
- “You’ve always been the one taking care of everyone—this is just a little help for you now.”
Framing home care as a way to stay independent—rather than give it up—can make all the difference.
4. Focus on the Benefits, Not the Problems
If you only talk about what’s going wrong, it may feel like criticism. Instead, highlight what home care adds, such as:
- More time to enjoy life
- Help with things they don’t enjoy (e.g., cleaning, shopping)
- Less reliance on family
- Regular companionship
Reassure them that it’s not about losing control—it’s about gaining freedom to focus on what matters most.
5. Start Small and Suggest a Trial
The idea of someone coming into their home regularly might feel overwhelming. A helpful strategy is to:
- Propose starting with a short visit once or twice a week
- Frame it as a “trial” or “just to see how it goes”
- Let them choose the type of help they’re comfortable with (e.g., help with groceries, not personal care at first)
Success often comes from easing in gradually, rather than an all-or-nothing approach.
6. Involve Them in the Decision
Let your parent feel in control of the process:
- Ask their preferences about timing, services, or even choosing the carer
- Include them when talking to home care providers
- Emphasise that it’s a collaborative plan—not a decision made for them
People are more open to change when they feel ownership over it.
7. Use Real-Life Examples
Sometimes it helps to share relatable stories:
- “I read about another family whose mum started with a helper for shopping, and she ended up really enjoying the company.”
- “Do you remember Margaret down the road? Her daughter said the carer made such a difference.”
Normalising home care can help reduce feelings of embarrassment or stigma.
8. Address Their Fears Directly
It’s normal for older adults to have concerns like:
- “What if I don’t like the carer?”
- “I don’t want a stranger in my home.”
- “What if I lose my privacy?”
Let them know:
- They can change carers if it’s not the right fit
- The carer is there to support—not control—them
- They remain in charge of their schedule and space
Check out our Our Carers page to learn how we match clients and carers based on personality and trust.
9. Be Patient—It May Take Time
Not everyone will say “yes” the first time. Or the second. And that’s okay.
- Plant the seed, then give them space to think
- Revisit the conversation gently later on
- Keep an open door without applying pressure
You may be ready before they are. Focus on small wins and keep communication open.
10. Get Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes it helps to involve a third party:
- A GP or nurse they trust
- A social worker or aged care assessor
- A home care coordinator who can explain services gently and clearly
Hearing it from a trusted professional can reinforce your message without it feeling like family pressure.
Final Thoughts: A Conversation Worth Having
Talking to your parent about home care isn’t easy—but it’s often the most caring thing you can do. When done with empathy, patience, and mutual respect, it can lead to better safety, quality of life, and peace of mind for everyone involved.
➡ Need help starting the conversation? Call us today for a friendly, no-pressure chat about how home care could work for your family.
